Welcome to "Diary of a Leader" - Real Stories, Leadership Lessons, and Personal Growth
Ah, leadership! The thrilling, heart-racing journey of ups, downs, and all the delightful chaos in between.
Welcome to "Diary of a Leader," where I peel back the curtain on the good, the bad, and the downright awkward moments of being a leader.
And today, I’m serving up a leadership lesson that, for many of us, is easier said than done: the importance of asking for help.
The Pathway of Excellence—and Its Trap
Let’s start with this: if you’ve landed in a leadership or management role, it’s likely because you’re exceptional at what you do. Your journey to this point was paved with hard work, expertise, and a commitment to excellence.
But here’s the catch: that same pathway of excellence can make it incredibly difficult to ask for help. Why? Because if you’ve been consistently praised for your ability to “handle it all,” it can feel like asking for help is admitting failure.
The reality is, leadership and management aren’t about doing all the things yourself—they’re about empowering others to excel at their work while you focus on your role. And yet, when our plates are overflowing, we often fall into the trap of thinking we have to shoulder everything ourselves.
My Story: Overwhelm and the Wake-Up Call
Here’s a personal example.
Back when I was working as a traditional manager, my plate was always overflowing. While this fueled my inner overachiever (and, if I’m being honest, some less-than-healthy behaviors), it also made me resistant to asking for help.
One day, while the company owner was away on a trip, one of our sales team members burst into my office, practically bouncing with excitement. She had just sold a massive project—the largest we’d ever taken on.
So, how did I respond? Did I cheer her on? Offer congratulations?
Nope. I went straight into overwhelm mode.
I couldn’t stop thinking:
How can I possibly manage this?
Do we even have the team to pull this off?
Is our facility equipped to fabricate something this complex?
Will we be able to execute this well?
Instead of celebrating the opportunity, I spiraled into negativity. My plate was already beyond full, and this felt like the tipping point.
The Conversation That Changed Everything
Later that week, I checked in with my boss. He immediately picked up on my stress—probably because I was practically vibrating with it.
While he was thrilled about the new project, he could see I was not. So, he did what great leaders do: he listened. He let me dump all my concerns out on the table without interruption, judgment, or dismissiveness.
And then, he said something simple but profound:
“We will figure it out. You are not on your own. We’ve got this.”
Those few sentences completely changed my perspective. Suddenly, I felt less alone. His reassurance didn’t just calm me down—it also made me reflect on why I was so overwhelmed in the first place.
When he asked why this project felt so overwhelming, I finally admitted the truth: my plate was always full, and I felt like I was walking a constant tightrope of stress. His next question stopped me in my tracks:
“Why didn’t you ask for help?”
My immediate response?
“Because if I ask for help, it means I’m not doing a good job.”
The Leadership Shift: Giving and Receiving Help
That conversation was a turning point. My boss reminded me that leadership isn’t about doing everything yourself—it’s about leaning on your team and recognizing that asking for help isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength.
A year later, I was at a leadership mental health seminar, and something a speaker said hit me like a ton of bricks:
“Asking for help isn’t just about you—it’s also about giving others the opportunity to help.”
That perspective completely reframed the way I thought about asking for support. By reaching out, you’re not failing; you’re creating a moment for collaboration. It’s a reminder that leadership is a shared experience, not a solo mission.
Why Asking for Help Strengthens Leadership
Here’s what I’ve learned about asking for help as a leader:
It Builds Trust - When you ask for help, you show vulnerability. And vulnerability builds trust. Your team sees you as human, and that fosters deeper connections.
It Empowers Others - Asking for help gives others the chance to step up, showcase their skills, and contribute in meaningful ways. You’re creating opportunities for growth, not just delegating tasks.
It Models Healthy Behavior - When you’re open to asking for help, you set an example for your team. They’ll feel more comfortable coming to you when they need support, which strengthens the overall culture of the organization.
How You Can Start Asking for Help
If asking for help doesn’t come naturally, here are a few ways to start:
Reframe Your Thinking - Asking for help isn’t a failure—it’s a strategic move. It shows you’re focused on the bigger picture and committed to doing what’s best for the team.
Communicate Clearly - Be specific about what you need and why. This helps others understand how they can best support you.
Recognize the Value - Remember, by asking for help, you’re giving someone else the opportunity to contribute. That’s not a weakness; it’s a gift.
Start Small - If the idea feels overwhelming, start with smaller asks. Practice leaning on others in manageable ways until it becomes more natural.
Wrapping Up (Because Time is Precious)
Here’s the takeaway: Leadership is not a solo act. By asking for help, you strengthen your team, build trust, and create opportunities for collaboration and growth.
So, next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t shoulder it all yourself. Ask for help. It might just be the best leadership decision you make.
Catch you next time, fellow leaders-in-training—and remember, great leaders know the value of both giving and receiving help.
Stay tuned for more reflections and lessons from the trenches of leadership in the next installment of
"Diary of a Leader"
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